The Definition of John

If you have ever had a question as to why John does.....well, anything.  Please see this link.  I would swear he was interviewed for the article and was the only source.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Geologist

Some of the most accurate statements:

Geologists are 'scientists' with unnatural obsessions with beer and rocks. Often too intelligent to do monotonous sciences like biology, chemistry, or physics, geologists devote their time to mud-worrying, volcano poking, fault finding, bouldering, dust-collecting, and high-risk colouring. One of the main difficulties in communicating with geologists is their belief that a million years is a short amount of time and their heads are harder than rocks. Consequently, such abstract concepts as "Tuesday Morning" and Lunchtime are completely beyond their comprehension. (This difficulty generates problems particularly when dealing with the girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse and attempting to explain why you were "gone for so long" or why something is taking "so long to occur.")

The prospect of month upon month of fieldwork in remote places has led to some interesting evolutionary peculiarities amongst this species. Amidst only rocks and alcohol, with often long dark nights eliminating the possibility of the former, and leaving only the latter, resourceful geologists fill their time intermingling with other geologists. During this time, upcoming geologists earn their "wings" (or more appropriately, their "hammer") by fulfilling one or more of the following electives:

a) Date a fellow geologist

b) Sleep with a fellow geologist

c) Have an affair with a geologist

d) Have an affair with a student geologist

e) Marry a fellow geologist

f) Marry a current or former student geologist  - DING DING - you are a winner

g) Date/Marry or have an affair with a driller

h)Date/ Marry or have affair with field hand/ offsider

i) Marry a purveyor of alcohol

A combination, or multiple repetitions of the above electives result in the true seasoning of a geologist. 

The Great Geologist-Engineer Controversy

Geology, an art as much as a science, has always baffled and worried engineers. And while geologists have provided mankind with massive sources of energy such as coal, gas, and flatulence, engineers have been relegated to merely designing tanks to hold these natural resources. Engineers tend to carry defensive weapons of pocket protectors, slide rules, black socks, and lousy humour, although these tools are a poor match for the geologist's rock hammer, hand lens, and Brunton\Breithaupt compass.

To spot a fully-grown geologist in the wild, look for:

• Someone who has the longest occupational description on Uncyclopedia (and has looked at all the other occupations to confirm while consuming large quantities of alchohol).
• Someone awkward and unsure around people who don't know the difference between a rock and a mineral
• Someone with a beard and Sandals... Jesus was a Geologist (actually, carpenters back then were also stonemasons, so there is some truth to that statement) 
• Someone who considers a "recent event" to be anything that has happened in the last hundred million years.
• Someone who licks and/or scratches & sniffs rocks or in case of china clay will eat it to prove it's perfectly safe.
• Someone who eats dirt and claims to be "getting an estimate of grain size"
• Someone who will willingly cross an eight-lane interstate on foot to determine if the outcrops are the same on both sides.
• Someone who considers causing a four-lane pile-up on the highway by examining outcrops while driving, as acceptable behavior. 
• Someone who looks at scenery and tells you how it formed.
• Someone whose pockets tend to be filled with bits of rock.